It's been REAL nice

This is how it's been at the Ranch lately. Minus the beautiful scenery. Since I am a big meanie, Douchebag hasn't spent the night once and Shirley goes over there often. YES! See ya suckas!

Party time!

- Shirley didn't come home alllll weekend. It was glorious. I guess that's what happens when you have a roommate that is a baby and has to run home to mommy and daddy.

- Shirley would also not speak to me on Monday. Ahh maturity.

- The lovely decor in my bathroom is no longer. On Monday it was suddenly gone. Very strange indeed.

- Shirley cooked dinner and brought it over to Douchebag's. She is clearly trying to show him what a good little wifey she will make.

- As of January 19th, the Christmas decorations had been taken down. Woo!

Have you heard of this thing called dia-bee-tus?

Before I begin, Shirley didn't come home last night. She told Dawn she was spending the weekend at her parents. Faaaaaaaabulous. I ran her out of her own home! Moving on...



So I have touched on this before, but I am just amazed that Shirley doesn't weigh 300 pounds or has diabetes. The amount of ice cream she buys is just wacky. Not to mention three tubs of frosting? It's just unseemly.

Oh what a night!

What a tangled, tangled web we weave...

Some of you may remember Key-gate of '08. Douchebag would leave the house key under the brick where anybody with half a brain could figure out that's where you keep a spare key. With DB away, I didn't have to worry about it, but since he is back, he is also back to old habits. I decided to kick the brick off to expose the key and left it for Shirley to see. Mature? Why yes I am!



Later in the evening (and armed with a lot of pent-up aggression) I told Shirley I was not comfortable with the key being under the brick and that anyone could come into the house. Bitch lied straight to my face! She said that was the first time he did it. Oh hell no! She back-peddled and said he did it once before but like a month ago. Wrong again! So that was that.

Then I told her that I didn't appreciate the heater being turned on all the time and felt taken advantage of since she has someone to split the bills with. Once again, liar! Just this week we had a high of 90 degrees and that Disney-freak had the audacity to turn that clunker on.

I am not a fan of confrontation. I often forget what I want to say and get a little shaky. But I did manage to call her delusional and inconsiderate. To which Douchette said (and you know how it goes), "Fine, I guess I am delusional."

So it's not going to be awkward here at all. I can only hope she won't want to spend anytime here.

Man, I hope she doesn't mess with my food.

Christmas in January

So in case anyone didn't know, Christmas was 19 days ago. This sign was put up after Christmas and is still up. Along with all the other decorations. Including presents under the tree.

My guess is that they will be up until Valentine's Day.

Sake to Me - Updated

Let's just get this out of the way. Shirley and Douchebag are pretty much back together. She decided she just didn't want to talk about their problems anymore. Cause if there is a surefire way to solve a problem, it's to ignore it!

Now, dear readers, I need your help. I came home the other night to find Shirley had added a personal touch to my bathroom. Granted it is the guest bathroom, but I am the one who primarily uses it, (unless DB decides to take a crap in it) and I am the one who cleans it.

Let's take a look at the weird stuff that already adorns the bathroom, shall we?

Check out this totally awesome vintage sign. So neat.



And then there is this super creepy photograph.



So I have to deal with it. Understood. I came home to find this Sake container and two cups on the counter. My space in that place is already so limited, why does she have to encroach upon it? Notice it matches the cup in the background?



It is just not my style. And like I said, space is already at a premium. I don't need her shit in my space. So what should I do? Do I just store it under the sink? Put it in her bathroom? Put in in the living room? Or do I actually have to talk to her about this? Deal with it?

And the bummer about it all, she didn't even have the decency to fill it up.

Update 1.14.09:
If any of you need any sake, it is in the kitchen cabinet. Help yourselves.

The beginning of the end

Douchedog was over the other night. Thankfully his douchey owner was not, but it's just a sign that Shirley has caved and going back to being a doormat and doing whatever DB wants. And like the good little whipped girlfriend (or whatever) she is, she brought the dog over that night. At a whorish hour to be sure!

What a good little Shitley.

This and that

- The battle of the thermostat rages on! It was at 72 degrees yesterday...And since the heater is such a piece of crap, who knows how long that thing had to be on. Just put on a sweater. I am tired of paying for you to be comfortable.

- When will Shirley finally take down the Christmas decorations? I think it could be a month or so.

- Doris called to tell me that Shirley told her that she and Douchebag are probably getting back together (duh) but not until the future. Future meaning next week or a couple months?

- Lastly, going over to your ex-boyfriend's house at 11pm kinda makes you a ho-bag.

It was fun while it lasted

Well le bag of douche spent the night last night. At least I am assuming he did. I can't imagine he woke up early to see Shirley off at work at 7am. Being the classy guy he is, he came over sometime after midnight. We all know what that means...Booooooo-tay!

While I don't know for sure whether these two knuckleheads are back together, it looks to be headed that way.

Looks like my glorious Douchebag/Douchedog-free Ranch days are numbered.