WOOHOOO!

Tomorrow is moving day. Yesssssss.

Let it be known that Shirley and I have not said one word to each other since I put in my notice. HAHA!

This is the random crap I will miss discovering

What purpose do these serve? I mean I know why doctors use them and such, but why Shirley? Does she use them so she doesn't get pixie dust all over her hands?


Ummm this is not healthy or appetizing.


And this broken light bulb has been on this empty bottle for months. Is she waiting to recycle it or what?

Kermy is better than this

Is Shirley cheating on Peter Pan with Kermit the Frog?


Shirley added a new magnet to the fridge. And I think it's stupendous!

The final stretch

This marks the last weekend at the Ranch. Yesssssss!

If anyone has any suggestions on pranks, investigating they would like done, messages left on the infamous whiteboard, pictures they would like taken or anything else–speak now!

Celebrate good times, COME ON!

Helloooooo

I had to call Shirley's dad to let him know that the kitchen sink was clogged and was also hoping he would ask me why I was leaving. After I told him about the sink, he said, "We're going to miss you around here." Uhhh awkward! I said, "Yeaaaa it's a great location, it just wasn't working out anymore..." Now is your chance buddy! Instead he asked me if I was getting married. HA! Uhh no sir, I am leaving cause your daughter is a real whackjob. I tried to be positive and told him that Doris would probably move in but he said she isn't dependable like me. Well DUH. Should have told Shirley that. He repeated that a couple times before he wished me luck. Aww. Well he isn't completely clueless about Shirley, but he still coddles her so I don't have too much sympathy for him.

Off topic, but Doris needs to lose my number. She is headed into stalker status.

Oye vey.

Shirley...

1. Your dog smells. Please wash him.

2. Please go back on vacation and remain there until I am gone. I did not miss you.

Toodles!

Some people never learn

Some of you may remember Doris. She shared a room with Shirley but left after a couple months. Well since I am leaving, Doris is moving back in! Numb-nut.

Doris keeps calling me and I have started to ignore her calls. Every time I talk to her she expresses her concerns about coming back and I tell her not to move back if she is so hesitant. But she is an idiot so she is moving. She also tells me that I have to hang out with her when she moves to which I tell her "okay, but I have other things to do so it won't be every weekend." (Or every month, puh-lease.) She is starting to creep me out a little bit with her insistence on hanging out. Not my problem that you don't know anyone. I also told her that once she moves in, she isn't allowed to complain about Shirley since she knows what she is getting into.

The more I think about it, Shirley and Doris really make excellent BFF's.

Knock knock!

This stupid thing is on the front door. It sounds like four cow bells. Since Shirley hasn't quite mastered the art of closing a door quietly, especially while one is sleeping, that thing has woken me up on numerous occasions. Sometimes I go to bed and can still hear the ringing of the bells in my head.

Off her rocker

This is the whiteboard where we write crap to one another. It had both our names on it. Usually Shirley just puts up her work schedule and I always leave my name blank. Annnyways, after she found out I gave my notice, she wiped the board clean. I just found it hilarious. Never before has it been blank. She has wiped me from her life. Too bad.

I want to put something there but I just can't quite find the words...

Have a seat (if you can find one)

If I may be so blunt, there is a crapload of seating possibilities in the kitchen. It's actually quite out of control. But if I decide to throw myself a going away party, (at least I have a keg available) I know seating will not be an issue.

Up first, you have your random chairs just strewn throughout.



Second are these flame-rific barstools. If someone is willing to pay, I will steal them for you. It's my personal belief that everyone should have something like these.



Next is the diner scene. I don't think this table has ever been used.



This stool/seat makes for seat 15!



Then there are these sturdy, well-crafted bar stools. They don't make loud noises at all when you pull them out.



So there you have it folks. Nineteen possible places to put your ass! Amazing!

Best email of the week!

This is from my friend whose parents are friends with Shirley's parents. Please enjoy:

I was telling my parents you might move out and they were like ya we heard (they had dinner with her parents this weekend) and I was like huh? I guess her Dad told my parents he was concerned you may be moving out soon, and they think that Shirley may be the problem. So they were right! I guess her parents are not as oblivious as her!! 

Ahhhhahahahahaha.

WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I AM LEAVING THE RANCH!!!! Yeah buddy! More to follow but yeehaw!!

My last day at the Ranch will be March 3rd.

Giddy up!!