How many in your party?

Yep, this is at the Ranch. There is a straw dispenser, check holder, fake flowers, uhhhh... a candy cane. It's so spectacular. Yet it's never used. I wonder why?

No one wants to see that

DB, please put on a shirt while cooking breakfast. Thanks.

RW

Hahahaha. DB is gross, but this is funny

My friend Jessica sent this to me, so I had to share. Apologies to my family but I thought it was so appropriate. (Just the key to the place). Should I post this on the fridge??

#2

Hey douchebag. Let's try not to take a dump in my bathroom, mmmmkay? I love nothing more than coming home to the smell of air freshener in my bathroom. Use Shirley's bathroom you dumbass. You use her for everything else, why not her toilet?

Baaahahahahahahahaha

Guess who is trying out to be a fairy (or Mickey Mouse) at Disneyland?? Shirrrrrrrley is. Yesssss.

Bad news

Doris called me to let me know that I am getting a new roommate. When Shirley is going to tell me, I don't know. This new roommate will be sharing Shirley's bedroom. Fabulous. I can't wait to start sharing everything with a third person again. I feel sorry for this girl cause I already hate her.

Also, Shirley (or Douchebag) finished a bottle of vodka of mine in the freezer. Granted it was almost empty and I was probably never going to drink it, but don't drink stuff that isn't yours. When I left Shirley a note about it, she replied, "the red bottle?" Hey dipshit, how many bottles of vodka were there? Only one.

I curse the day you were born Shirley!

Heidi ho neighbor

Home Improvement mug - check

The OC game on display - check

Movie projector - check

Busted camera - check

Just another day at the ranch!