I love fishies cause they're so delicious

Doris is here for the weekend, and she walked into the bathroom she once shared with Shirley and exclaimed, "What. The. Fuck." What could evoke this kind of reaction from Doris you ask? Goldfish. You think, "Surely (or Shirley, ha!) you jest." Oh I do not.



Need a closer look? Yeah I thought so.



Those look suspiciously like fish won at a carnival. Wouldn't you stop at one? Two? Not Shirley. She is special. She must have thought, "NO! I must have SEVEN!"

Or perhaps she plans on cooking those suckers up for Douchebag. You never know with her.

***Update***
All the fish but one have died. R.I.P.

My head is going to explode

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I am pissed.

I went home at lunch and found the following:

-the heater set to go on. BTW it's 80 degrees at the moment. It has not been THAT cold at night. We live in SoCal!
-key under the brick
-Douchedog in the back

Soooo I need a new job stat (one where layoffs don't happen every other week + salary cuts) so I can move into a new place.

Oy vey!!

God Bless America

Shirley, who is 27 going on 12, has her parents fill out her ballot and mail it in for her. Nice. You can't even decide who you want for president??

She is pathetic.

Pure awesome

I love it when Shirley goes away for a few days. It doesn't happen very often, so I am loving this dog/douchebag-free environment. Woooooo!!!

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

You know, I always think I am going to run out of weird things to spotlight. But every so often, I discover a gem I have never seen before. I give you this lamp.



It's currently stationed in the garage (and rightfully so), but maybe one day this beaut will make her debut inside the Ranch. Until then little lady...

LOL

Shirley's parents came over to get her dog today. Shirley's mom said hopefully someone would be picking up Douchedog. Then she said "Have you met Douchebag?" Uhhh duh. So I said, "oh yeah." Methinks she doesn't like him. I added that he is over here a lot. To which she replied, "Almost too much, huh?" Bingo! Even her mom knows that DB is a tool.

Then her dad proceeded to clean up the shitload of beer bottles that Shirley leaves in the garage. Yay!

Ewwww. What is wrong with this woman?

I couldn't find a picture that properly illustrated what I am about to describe. Please use your imaginations.

Shirley was fixing a baked potato and Douchedog was begging for food. (Just like his dad. Oh snap!) Annnnnnnnyways, so she let him eat some potato off her fork, then proceeded to stick the fork (with dog germs) in margarine and back to her potato. Yum! Mmmm bacteria mixing.

I wanted to throw up.

Amazing

This is what Shirley looks like when she leaves for work in the morning. Sadly, I couldn't take a paparazzo shot, so this will do. Who drives around with curlers in their hair? Especially when said person is 27.