Oh what a night!

What a tangled, tangled web we weave...

Some of you may remember Key-gate of '08. Douchebag would leave the house key under the brick where anybody with half a brain could figure out that's where you keep a spare key. With DB away, I didn't have to worry about it, but since he is back, he is also back to old habits. I decided to kick the brick off to expose the key and left it for Shirley to see. Mature? Why yes I am!



Later in the evening (and armed with a lot of pent-up aggression) I told Shirley I was not comfortable with the key being under the brick and that anyone could come into the house. Bitch lied straight to my face! She said that was the first time he did it. Oh hell no! She back-peddled and said he did it once before but like a month ago. Wrong again! So that was that.

Then I told her that I didn't appreciate the heater being turned on all the time and felt taken advantage of since she has someone to split the bills with. Once again, liar! Just this week we had a high of 90 degrees and that Disney-freak had the audacity to turn that clunker on.

I am not a fan of confrontation. I often forget what I want to say and get a little shaky. But I did manage to call her delusional and inconsiderate. To which Douchette said (and you know how it goes), "Fine, I guess I am delusional."

So it's not going to be awkward here at all. I can only hope she won't want to spend anytime here.

Man, I hope she doesn't mess with my food.

Sake to Me - Updated

Let's just get this out of the way. Shirley and Douchebag are pretty much back together. She decided she just didn't want to talk about their problems anymore. Cause if there is a surefire way to solve a problem, it's to ignore it!

Now, dear readers, I need your help. I came home the other night to find Shirley had added a personal touch to my bathroom. Granted it is the guest bathroom, but I am the one who primarily uses it, (unless DB decides to take a crap in it) and I am the one who cleans it.

Let's take a look at the weird stuff that already adorns the bathroom, shall we?

Check out this totally awesome vintage sign. So neat.



And then there is this super creepy photograph.



So I have to deal with it. Understood. I came home to find this Sake container and two cups on the counter. My space in that place is already so limited, why does she have to encroach upon it? Notice it matches the cup in the background?



It is just not my style. And like I said, space is already at a premium. I don't need her shit in my space. So what should I do? Do I just store it under the sink? Put it in her bathroom? Put in in the living room? Or do I actually have to talk to her about this? Deal with it?

And the bummer about it all, she didn't even have the decency to fill it up.

Update 1.14.09:
If any of you need any sake, it is in the kitchen cabinet. Help yourselves.

So, a mustang crashes into a bucket...

So a few night ago, I was in my room, watching The Golden Girls. Don't be jealous. Sophia and the gang are awesome. Anyways, Shirley is reving the engine of her awesome car and I hear a big crash. I have no idea what it is but it couldn't be serious since Shirley took off, (to Never Neverland probably.) So I go to check out the situation and find that Valentine's Day and Easter threw up over the garage on my car.

So I was left to ponder many things. Did she put her car in drive? How did she not hear that she crashed into a giant tub of crap? (Oh wait, she watches the TV super loud and with closed captioning. Okay that answers that.) Why didn't she pick it up? Who uses blue easter grass?

She is spectacular.

So...

Anyone need a saw? Sure it's a little rusty, but I am sure it gets the job done.

I love fishies cause they're so delicious

Doris is here for the weekend, and she walked into the bathroom she once shared with Shirley and exclaimed, "What. The. Fuck." What could evoke this kind of reaction from Doris you ask? Goldfish. You think, "Surely (or Shirley, ha!) you jest." Oh I do not.



Need a closer look? Yeah I thought so.



Those look suspiciously like fish won at a carnival. Wouldn't you stop at one? Two? Not Shirley. She is special. She must have thought, "NO! I must have SEVEN!"

Or perhaps she plans on cooking those suckers up for Douchebag. You never know with her.

***Update***
All the fish but one have died. R.I.P.

Personal space

I will liken the following story to being in an empty movie theatre when someone decides to sit right by you. TONS of seats, but they choose to get all up in your business.

Exhibit A: This is my lone shelf on the door of the fridge. There are four, I have one. Notice how I have a little bit of extra space. (Side note: I had to do some fancy maneuvering so I could have a shelf in the first place.)



Exhibit B: Shirley will have none of that, even though she has shitloads of room elsewhere. So what does she do? Puts her giant bottle of Tapatio (and tabasco) on my shelf.



Exhibit C: Look at allllll that room she has! So I moved her crap next to her big-ass bottle of ranch dressing.



And just for shits and giggles, I wanted to show you how much food she has in the fridge. Seriously...who needs that much food? I have circled my food for your convenience. See if you can spot the glass of OJ that seems to be settling and the gatorade bottle filled with milk! FUN!



Respect the Ranch Wrangler, damnit!!

What is wrong with these people???

On several occasions I have come home after Shirley's dad has worked on something on the house to find my toilet filled with urine. For some reason, Shirley's dad has an aversion to flushing. Fine if you want to conserve in your own house, but don't do it in your daughter's roommate's bathroom!

I came home to a bowlful of piss tonight. It was lovely. Sorry I did not document it, but I have class.

Reminder: Shirley is 27

Yes, that is JC from the boy band, Nsync. And apparently, he's her celebrity crush! She says that thing is old, but why still display it. Hello! You are almost 30. She never ceases to amaze me.