Kermy is better than this

Is Shirley cheating on Peter Pan with Kermit the Frog?


Shirley added a new magnet to the fridge. And I think it's stupendous!

Have a seat (if you can find one)

If I may be so blunt, there is a crapload of seating possibilities in the kitchen. It's actually quite out of control. But if I decide to throw myself a going away party, (at least I have a keg available) I know seating will not be an issue.

Up first, you have your random chairs just strewn throughout.



Second are these flame-rific barstools. If someone is willing to pay, I will steal them for you. It's my personal belief that everyone should have something like these.



Next is the diner scene. I don't think this table has ever been used.



This stool/seat makes for seat 15!



Then there are these sturdy, well-crafted bar stools. They don't make loud noises at all when you pull them out.



So there you have it folks. Nineteen possible places to put your ass! Amazing!

Christmas in January

So in case anyone didn't know, Christmas was 19 days ago. This sign was put up after Christmas and is still up. Along with all the other decorations. Including presents under the tree.

My guess is that they will be up until Valentine's Day.

Sake to Me - Updated

Let's just get this out of the way. Shirley and Douchebag are pretty much back together. She decided she just didn't want to talk about their problems anymore. Cause if there is a surefire way to solve a problem, it's to ignore it!

Now, dear readers, I need your help. I came home the other night to find Shirley had added a personal touch to my bathroom. Granted it is the guest bathroom, but I am the one who primarily uses it, (unless DB decides to take a crap in it) and I am the one who cleans it.

Let's take a look at the weird stuff that already adorns the bathroom, shall we?

Check out this totally awesome vintage sign. So neat.



And then there is this super creepy photograph.



So I have to deal with it. Understood. I came home to find this Sake container and two cups on the counter. My space in that place is already so limited, why does she have to encroach upon it? Notice it matches the cup in the background?



It is just not my style. And like I said, space is already at a premium. I don't need her shit in my space. So what should I do? Do I just store it under the sink? Put it in her bathroom? Put in in the living room? Or do I actually have to talk to her about this? Deal with it?

And the bummer about it all, she didn't even have the decency to fill it up.

Update 1.14.09:
If any of you need any sake, it is in the kitchen cabinet. Help yourselves.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Hi. So this picture was taken this weekend. In case you didn't know, Thanksgiving hasn't even happened yet.

And these boxes are a taste of what is to come. It should be a festive holiday here at the Ranch!!

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

You know, I always think I am going to run out of weird things to spotlight. But every so often, I discover a gem I have never seen before. I give you this lamp.



It's currently stationed in the garage (and rightfully so), but maybe one day this beaut will make her debut inside the Ranch. Until then little lady...

What's behind door number one?

This eye-sore is the inside of the panty. Who put all that crap there you ask? Shirley? No. The previous owner! We got grocery lists, recipes, business cards, coupons, you name it!

Did someone say they needed a hummingbird food recipe? Well say no more...I got you covered! "Hummer Food" Heh.



I am personally a fan of the tiger below.



And in case you need to give CPR, there is also a cheat sheet on that. You're in good hands when you come to the Ranch!

An oldie but a goodie

Ha. This just doesn't get old. Peanut butter. As decoration! And that hat! Wow.

How many in your party?

Yep, this is at the Ranch. There is a straw dispenser, check holder, fake flowers, uhhhh... a candy cane. It's so spectacular. Yet it's never used. I wonder why?

Heidi ho neighbor

Home Improvement mug - check

The OC game on display - check

Movie projector - check

Busted camera - check

Just another day at the ranch!

Experiment #2

See that beautiful boot up there? I got that at the Target dollar bin and thought it would be perfect for the Ranch. I went away for the weekend and came back to find a FABULOUS new entertainment center in the living room. As you can see, it's very modern and sophisticated. AND she loved the boot so much, that she moved it on top of that! I am so excited I could contribute.

Tick tock, tick tock

WTF. Shirley has a two foot (maybe three) crocodile in her room. Have I mentioned Peter Pan is her favorite??

What a freak.

Keep dreaming, dreamer

I am going out on a limb here, but I think Shirley's favorite word is "Dream." How inspirational. 

An experiment

My friends put these beer bottles on the fireplace. I think they look lovely. How long until Shirley removes them? Or will she think that they add to the overall ambiance of the ranch? Only time will tell...

Update: We are still going strong!
Update #2: Almost two weeks later and it is still up. I think we got a keeper!

Shirley looooooves wieners

There is all sorts of awesome going on in the cupboard.

Morton Salt coffee cups, hot dog baskets and MORE hot dog baskets. SO amazing and perplexing. She is planning on having a cookout? Opening up her own hot dog stand? A roadside coffee stand? I need to know!

I won't grow up

Shirley loves Peter Pan. In fact, I am pretty sure she is suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. She is 27 but acts 17. And with that, I present you with this haunting and creepy image.



Yep your eyes do not deceive you. Those are Peter Pan ornaments she has stuck to the ceiling. Christ almighty.

The pictureless frame

Next to the lasso, this is my favorite piece of decor in the ranch. What purpose does it serve? Is she waiting for the perfect Peter Pan picture to place in it? I want to put a picture of myself in it, but I'm not sure if that is the route I want to take. Any suggestions?

You can't make this up

Doris alerted me to the fact today that Shirley has a jar of Peter Pan peanut butter next to her bed...for decoration. Shirley loooooves her some Peter Pan!

New decor at the ranch

The decor above the fridge is amazing. Dead flowers, empty liquor bottles. Very classy.



So my cowboy and I finished up a bottle of wine and I left the empty bottle in the kitchen and was going to throw it away later. Little did I know, I have contributed to the mood here at the ranch!

Check it-

Is it really THAT bad?

Well I suppose it could be worse. I could be living with a crackwhore and her crack-baby. Or perhaps with a transvestite hooker. I do have a flair for the dramatic.

In any event, let me show you some of the ranch...

First and foremost, the namesake of the blog really:

Yep, I get to look at this beaut every time I come home. Don't be jealous.

The following is kinda vintage. Please don't email me, trying to persuade me to give it to you. Shirley watches this with the closed captioning on. I am pretty sure she has a hearing problem since she talks so loud. It also has the inability to get regular television on it. It is truly an amazing advance in technology.

Lastly, I give to you what Shirley finds entertaining. I think this speaks volumes about the person I am currently writing a rent check too (well to her parents anyways).

Over and out.