Personal space

I will liken the following story to being in an empty movie theatre when someone decides to sit right by you. TONS of seats, but they choose to get all up in your business.

Exhibit A: This is my lone shelf on the door of the fridge. There are four, I have one. Notice how I have a little bit of extra space. (Side note: I had to do some fancy maneuvering so I could have a shelf in the first place.)



Exhibit B: Shirley will have none of that, even though she has shitloads of room elsewhere. So what does she do? Puts her giant bottle of Tapatio (and tabasco) on my shelf.



Exhibit C: Look at allllll that room she has! So I moved her crap next to her big-ass bottle of ranch dressing.



And just for shits and giggles, I wanted to show you how much food she has in the fridge. Seriously...who needs that much food? I have circled my food for your convenience. See if you can spot the glass of OJ that seems to be settling and the gatorade bottle filled with milk! FUN!



Respect the Ranch Wrangler, damnit!!

A friendly reminder...

So that means don't do laundry at 11pm (especially when I share a wall with the washer/dryer.) And don't rake leaves at 11pm especially when my window is right by the entry-way.

Good day.

gggggggggsus

Let me first say, I don't care if someone is religious. However, I find the below a wee bit disturbing. Shirley follows a Christian band around whenever they are in SoCal and this weekend was no exception.

I can't get confirmation on whether or not Shirley attended this festival, but it was written on the white board under her to do's. The Revolve Tour is an "event for teen girls."

"All Access is a Friday night – Saturday event designed 

for 6th through 12th grade girls. 

(But girls who are a little younger or older come, too . . . 

and we hear they enjoy it!)"

WHY is a 27 year old WOMAN (I use that term loosely), attending an event meant for GIRLS 18 and under?

She is so effin' weird. 

In case you want to check it out....

What's behind door number one?

This eye-sore is the inside of the panty. Who put all that crap there you ask? Shirley? No. The previous owner! We got grocery lists, recipes, business cards, coupons, you name it!

Did someone say they needed a hummingbird food recipe? Well say no more...I got you covered! "Hummer Food" Heh.



I am personally a fan of the tiger below.



And in case you need to give CPR, there is also a cheat sheet on that. You're in good hands when you come to the Ranch!

I am a broken record

Douchebag was in the house again yesterday morning while Shitley was at work. This is not ok but it continues to happen. Which leads me to my next questions. Would it be out of line to take the house key that Shirley and DB leave under a brick?

poll by twiigs.com

Look at what we have here...

I stumbled upon something today. Now look at that little brick. It's away from it's little brick friends. It probably wants to go back to them. I think I will pick it up and move it back.



What's this?? A key? To what? Oh the ranch! DB used this to lock up this morning. (For once.) Now I do not know if it's always there or if Shirley left it this one time. (Probably not, she doesn't have a good track record.) Annnnyways I was going to take it (hehe) but decided I would wait in case it was her key. She has it coming, but I don't want to lock her out that kind of sucks. But it really irks me that he might have access to the house whenever he wants. And I know it's not kept there in case one of us gets locked out cause she has never told me about it.

So I guess this is how DB gets Douchedog when no is around? Fabulous.

Update: It was her house key so I decided not to take it. Doesn't mean I won't in the future. Why does he need a key? He doesn't live there! Well technically he doesn't...

It never ends

DB came over last night (or this morning) around 3am or something ridicilous. (Classy). Shirley has left for work and DB is still here. Yipee!

Hodge-podge of crap

-I talked to Shirley about the A/C issue. She flat out denied using it. I know and she knows that she is a liar. When I told her I have come home on several occasions to find the air on (and no one home) she said, "I haven't turned the air on." How can I argue with that. It's like arguing with a monkey. So when the bill comes, and if it's more than it should be, I will refuse to pay half. 

-DB dropped a deuce in MY bathroom. Probably cause it's cleaner than Shirley's.

-Shirley broke my egg slicer. To which she also denies. It was working last time I used it. You dumb B. I guess the dogs got a hankering for egg salad sandwiches.

-Shirley wears so much blush she borders on being a clown.

So what have we learned? Shirley is a liar who moonlights as a circus performer.