I'm OUTTIES!!!

My time at the Ranch has come to an end. There is a tiny part of me that will miss the drama and ridiculousness that is Shirley, Douchebag and Douchedog. But not enough for me to stay.

Moving day was fairly uneventful. She left me a message on the whiteboard telling me to have a great weekend and "Thanks for being my rm-mate." Oh no Shirley, THANK YOU. You have made me see how truly crazy and oblivious some people can be. I have enjoyed dissecting your unhealthy relationship with Douchebag, being flabbergasted by your lack of maturity and ability to own up to your selfishness. It's been a humorous and stressful ride. Thanks to those who followed and commented.

What did I write in response to Shirley?

The key is under the goose.

PEACE OUT!!!!

WOOHOOO!

Tomorrow is moving day. Yesssssss.

Let it be known that Shirley and I have not said one word to each other since I put in my notice. HAHA!

This is the random crap I will miss discovering

What purpose do these serve? I mean I know why doctors use them and such, but why Shirley? Does she use them so she doesn't get pixie dust all over her hands?


Ummm this is not healthy or appetizing.


And this broken light bulb has been on this empty bottle for months. Is she waiting to recycle it or what?

Kermy is better than this

Is Shirley cheating on Peter Pan with Kermit the Frog?


Shirley added a new magnet to the fridge. And I think it's stupendous!

The final stretch

This marks the last weekend at the Ranch. Yesssssss!

If anyone has any suggestions on pranks, investigating they would like done, messages left on the infamous whiteboard, pictures they would like taken or anything else–speak now!

Celebrate good times, COME ON!

Helloooooo

I had to call Shirley's dad to let him know that the kitchen sink was clogged and was also hoping he would ask me why I was leaving. After I told him about the sink, he said, "We're going to miss you around here." Uhhh awkward! I said, "Yeaaaa it's a great location, it just wasn't working out anymore..." Now is your chance buddy! Instead he asked me if I was getting married. HA! Uhh no sir, I am leaving cause your daughter is a real whackjob. I tried to be positive and told him that Doris would probably move in but he said she isn't dependable like me. Well DUH. Should have told Shirley that. He repeated that a couple times before he wished me luck. Aww. Well he isn't completely clueless about Shirley, but he still coddles her so I don't have too much sympathy for him.

Off topic, but Doris needs to lose my number. She is headed into stalker status.

Oye vey.

Shirley...

1. Your dog smells. Please wash him.

2. Please go back on vacation and remain there until I am gone. I did not miss you.

Toodles!

Some people never learn

Some of you may remember Doris. She shared a room with Shirley but left after a couple months. Well since I am leaving, Doris is moving back in! Numb-nut.

Doris keeps calling me and I have started to ignore her calls. Every time I talk to her she expresses her concerns about coming back and I tell her not to move back if she is so hesitant. But she is an idiot so she is moving. She also tells me that I have to hang out with her when she moves to which I tell her "okay, but I have other things to do so it won't be every weekend." (Or every month, puh-lease.) She is starting to creep me out a little bit with her insistence on hanging out. Not my problem that you don't know anyone. I also told her that once she moves in, she isn't allowed to complain about Shirley since she knows what she is getting into.

The more I think about it, Shirley and Doris really make excellent BFF's.